But in the middle of all the hustle bustle, laughing, giggling, shopping, partying, I stop for a few seconds and think of the past….
Speaking to her friend I say “us” like I’m still a part of the gang. Seeing something that’s similar to the one she’s viewed with me sends a jolt of realization down my spine that I’m not her companion any more. When I go to a restaurant, and am deciding what to eat, the menu very rudely reminds me of the stuff she hates eating… list too!
I miss hearing her groggy voice when she used to call to wake him up in the morning. I miss the chocolates she used to get me sometimes. I miss lazing around with her. Deleting her pictures from my phone can’t erase her memories from my mind…I just wonder if she feels the same way for me. Does she miss the way I smell? Does she miss my whining? Does she miss my touch?
Does she miss our Cricket matches? Does she miss the way I used to crinkle my nose at the mention of her “friend”? Does she miss the way I keep blabbering? But does it even matter now? Maybe it does. And that’s why I’m writing about it!
Fine, we didn’t work out. I’m not gonna talk to her again. Not in a million years. Not even when she sends me a message to say she’s in some trouble. Am I being hard hearted? No I’m not. After whatever happened it’s only logical that I maintain a stony silence. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. I’m not a saint .
I can’t behave like one either; forgive/forget and speak to her is not possible any more. If in a relationship one person doesn’t respect the other, calling her/his only in the hour of need then the whole thing stinks- not of friendship, not of lust, but a rotten kind of love. There’s love here. No denying that. But it’s gone bad. And what do you do with something rotten? Throw it away…
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