Thursday, February 08, 2007

Count your chickens before you party!

(Readers note: The content reflects a 26 year old guy's mental trauma and has nothing to do with society at large. The writer is a well known potato in some industry,which are filled with people shouting and howling at each other; some profession pays for it.The reader is doing well presently and is on medication at large. Last seen at Opus. He has taken refuge for 2 years at the bar.

Alright first things first, take a bow before the lord almighty because what are you going to read at this section has nothing to do with God but everything to do with wordly things.

We all know Valentines Day's is an enormous, steaming pile of disappointment. A full year's worth of failed expectations and fizzled dreams wiped clear to make room for 365 more days of failed expectations and fizzled dreams.

This year? New strategy: party; I mean, parties are reflection of each individuals way of celebration. It is an occasion where he or she lets the world aware of their composition, hugging, dancing and communication skills and above all their all important DRINKING skills. Shucks! Raj, you gotta be kidding. "You aren't going to give gyaan on parties", screamed my colleague Neha. "You moron, I asked you thrice and all the time, you were out by the first dose", says Carol. Understandbly, this girls are correct. I mean I can't win against this 'Saturday Night Fever' and never make them understand.However, I will tip you on some secrets to party on a Valentines eve. (The comments do not reflect society as a whole but the mere status of Raj)

Total number of trips to the bathroom(monitored by toilet-flush count)

Number of Mallika Sherwat jokes attempted

Number of times you said "I love you' to her

Lots of Iodex, spill beans and cashew nuts

Guests to seat ratio (the floor does count)

Total beers consumed(bottle count)

Total attempts to hug and kiss (never allow sexual intimacy in house)Its a NO-NO for vegetarians!

No water in the house

Try to borrow the Moon for an evening; maybe, that's the last time you guys are viewing the moon together.

Flatter her/him with your comments (be honest sometimes)..Hey where's your friend Sharon, never seen her arms again? Stop kidding Raj, don't tell me you have a GF? she will run away for sure..well she did.. I swear..I did run like Tom Hanks did for Leonardo Di Caprio in Catch Me If You Can...if at any other level, I'ld have got India its first medal in 100 meters race.. anyway in my case, it was CATCH ME IF YOU HAVE MONEY...sorry, I don't have..that's one reason, girls don't date me after first evening.

Use some opening lines to strike to strangers. How about watching a female technical writer sipping coke and asking her "allow me to make it sweet"?...yaak! I know ....

Never force on her to drink. (Be a genteleman!) Haven't you read the great matrimonial guruji? He says "come one, come all! but never force anyone!)

Always drop her back home. Be a gentelman. You don't have a vehicle like me. Take it from your friend or if you wanna be a lil romantic,ask her if you can take her in your arms and drop her? Yaak, what's happening to you DUDE? I ain't carring a 65kg trolley.. But I do pay road tax?

all said and fine, guys have a great Valentines eve. Love and be loved, but most important ask yourself if you guys have all important but LOVE between each.

-Guruji on the other street

1 comment:

I Am Sam said...

quite humurous and but like other 23 years of summers, this valentine is also be at my home, cribbing on someone being unfair to me :(