Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Proposal Policy of a Call Center!

Dear readers! wishing you all a colorful Holi!

I was in a senior management role when this incident happened. It is one of those incidents that has found a room in my long-term memory aware of the cause that there is always a joke or two life offers you from nowhere. It is upto one to share that smile with others or to be locally confined. I tend to do the former one for this blog is in some way a medium to get united to a family of mine- you and me.
A batch of new entrants to the XYZ process had just arrived. And, being the operations manager of this giant call center organization, I had been entrusted to the setting up and managing of the team involved in the process. In this team of 15, a most noticeable was Shruti. She would be in the age of 20, tall, fair and an extremely noticeable nose. She had fared exceedingly well in her interviews and her angrezi accent, which came from her mother, was just icing on the cake.

From the first day I had taken a likeness for Shruti. She used to sit at a bay, which was not at a far distance from my cubicle. Since, I had been involved with this product and process for a long time,everyone had to seek my opinion/suggestions/help. Shruti did too.

And, I was more than happy to be her friend. As time went, Shruti and I became very close; we were not colleagues only but true bosom friends.

In those days, it was a ritual for call center units to go for trips to a day or two. Shruti and I too went out on a team trip. Amidst all those playfulness and laughter, I discovered that I was in love with her. One night while returning back from a movie, I proposed her, "Shruti, will you be my girlfriend?" There was a stone of silence. But came the prompt response, "No!".

It ended there, and I didn't quiz her the reason. Times went by and I decided to never ask her again for didn't want the friendship to end. But, the damn heart.You can't befool it.

One fine evening, during one of those breaks, I gave her a bouquet of flowers and proposed her again. This time it was a brisk walk leaving me in front of a gang of Hooters who till this date never ceased to amaze me with their retakes on the incident.

The following day I received a mail from the HR. It read, "you have exceeded your attempts of proposing Shruti. The company policy bars anyone from working in the call center organisation if he/she proposal has been rejected twice. You are suspended with immediate effect."

I remained seated in the Nirmala chair for a period of I-do-not-know-how-long only to be awakened by the coarse tone of the security guard,"chaliye sir."

I still laugh over the incident till this day. It was unfortunate that I didn't get a chance to meet Matrimonial Guruji; I hear that he is a master in providing love solutions. Wonder what he would have done at this situation!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Advantage BPO Cab Drivers!!!

"Ek Mard ko apni job Main Kya Chaiye?" What is it that a man looks for in his job? Good perks, decent salary and excellent environment to work. Do you think, you can only get that in a software industry and not somewhere else?

Get out of the box for you will be surprised to know that the cab drivers of today are enjoying the most hospitable profession in India.

And, especially Business Process Outsourcing (BPO) drivers of India. To this fact, I could not easily nod my approval, but for the sake of humanity, I decided to do some research on it.

Figuratively, I was left stunned as couple of my friends still working in call centers told me that not only the BPO drivers get excellent salary and perks, but also most of them are darling of the girls.
After my research, these are the few points which makes a BPO' cab driver' profession such a lucrative one:

1)He is surronded by more women than James Bond.

2)If you are in driving in Delhi (NCR), most of the times you may end up in an air-conditioned cab. Apart from using it for your regular routine, you can use it get your family on-board for hawa pani'.

3) He is more likely to get FREE snacks and lunch and dinner at the company. Also, after repeated requests of bhaiya are approved, the behenas will invite them for birthday parties and weekend booze.

4) He can soon write a detective novel featuring the gossips and scandals related to the BPO workers. The only requirement is that he should be a good eavesdropper and a conversationalist.

5) He will be friendly with most of the shops selling pans and cigarettes. The behenas will persuade him to make a quick buck by getting them nicotine. In some cases, he may also act as a druggist too.

6) He can make extra money on the side by picking up other passengers. Beware! if you get in a cab at ITPL or Electronics City in Bangalore, you are more likely to be drugged and robbbed. Yes, in that way, you can soon get into an international racket.

7) His mobile bills are paid by the company.

8) He can poach employees for other competitor' companies and thus becomes a vendor.

9) He becomes punctual and is aware of the terms like GPS, Tracking and so on.

10)He can call himself the Batman and drive on those roads and lanes at speeds that even Michael Schumacher would even fancy!

The BPO Industry in India currently has a staggering count of 50,000 drivers and its growing daily. So, if you are planning to start up a profession, learn to drive and who knows you may soon find yourself in a Kingfisher party with Vijay Mallya.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Vishal Bhardwaj VS Karan Johar

The next time you call me romantic, you have to bite your nails. I am an incorrect choice. I usually end up scoring disastrous notes in romance, and my girlfriend can just pray that God, make him a little romantic. As a result of which I do not advise and practice watching Karan Johar'candyfloss movies. His movies causes me an acute pain, bit like Sinus.

It starts right from the time I hear and watch Switzerland choreographed songs one after one, and gets on higher as I see Shahrukh Khan running after the heroines, usually 3,trying his level best to mimic Dilip Kumar and breaks done as I see all Mummy-ji.

OOf! writing only makes me sad. And, to add on to that, when I find scores of people purchasing tickets to watch the melodramas and coming out in tears, I just can't take it anymore! You have to be in person to understand the pathos.
And then, when all I felt is over in Bollwood in terms of creativity and originality, in comes Vishal Bharwadaj. His movies- Maqbool, Omkara, Maachis, and most recently Ishqiya are hard-hitting dramas with superb starcast, rich in content and style and most importantly, movies have a language which aap or main can co relate. It makes me sit,watch and concentrate on the theme rather than on the costumes and locations.

It has a message and more often than not, it allows you the option to counterattack the theme with your views. For example: would Irfan Khan'character done different in Maqbool had he not listened to Tabu? Would he have killed Pankaj Kapur? The perspective is upto you, and Vishal leaves it us and make a decision.

Yes, but movies are for entertainment and Karan Johar is here to make money out from his movies. He has his distributors who are vying him to take a super-duper starcast and get viewers in the theatres. His best shot is to make movies with romantic actors and who else is better than his partner, Shahrukh.

Both of them understand each other' limitations and strengths, and encash it on their hits. Karan would never try to experiment with SRK in something that he feels he cannot pull it of. Hence, a SRK has to do occasionally do a SWADES, however convincing he may make it sound, it is never a commerical success. Hence, SRK will have to keep in touch with Karan for Johar knows SRK' quotient lies in romantic shades.

If its only for entertainment, then maybe one should start watching movies like The Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Casino, Forrest Gump and so on. Neither of these movies can be labelled as commerical success, but you will be left spellbound watching these movies. I am a fond of Pankaj Kapur and Naseer Bhai' acting. They take a movie to another level, and seriously it works a great deal.

And then the sponsors of film awards- these guys are to be blamed for the current situation. I do not under what basis they adjudicate but seem utterly rubbish to me. My Name is Khan has already been crowned as the best feature film of 2010. How? did you see it? Nope, but it has to be no because it has SRK and Kajol in it.

How does it make other films like Road to Sangam, Teen Pathi and so on? Even if the content and theme are excellent, you can't do anything, because the verdict has been declared.

I just hope we have directors like Leena Yadav, RGV, Madhur B and Vishal B continue coming up with excellent original scripts and create movies which talk a lot. Else, a guy like me will stop watching movies. And huh! Karan one more thing- I know it's all about loving your parents, but it's also about telling the truth.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

What's with the 'Firangi' Bahus!!!

I am penning this piece post-conversation with a friend, who refuses to acknowledge that he would be compatible with Indian girls (hereafter, referred to as 'desis')or girls who are born as Indians. He has been in look out for an 'angrez' or 'European' girl right from the day, he left India for his first onsite trip.

His parents, a scene right from a Bollywood movie, are searching for a bahu, who will bear the mark of sati-savitri. But though he has vehemently denied any request of him getting tied up with a desi bahu, he does not have the balls to raise voices against his parents.

The situation presently is that he has met a single mother from Germany, and is all set to marry her, with yours truly being one of the witnesses.
My friend, who also is one of the domain experts of the Banking product, that I am involved with, is a nice human being. Our friendship blossomed first with work, and then it scaled up with Rock music.

During one of the frequent trips to the Legend of the Rocks, Bangalore when I was hitting on some desis' chicks, I found him to be extremely aloof. Thinking it may be one of his prayer days, I decided to quiz him later.

To my amusement, he sternly responded "mujhe yeh Indian ladkiyas pasand nahin hain". I thought maybe it is a case of the heated moment, but the day he pronounced this directly to another colleague, she was all in red eyes. I then thought "Boy! it is an issue with him."

His logic is simple: I am incompatible with desis, and I do not like the way they think, act and talk. I do not wish to live them and make my life a mess. I have been hearing this for a long time, and I think it is everybody' preference to choose and marry the girl they wish to. Religion or caste should not come as an hindrance. I too like angrez and vidhesi kudiyas, but to demarcate a line and say Indian girls are poor in every sense-I find it extremely hurtful and basically fake.

That he is born of Indian parents- a mother who taught him how to crawl and walk, the first language of his mother tongue. She is even ready to accept a videshi bahu, but she wants to have a talk with her before she does that.

If you have spent some years in Kerala, you will know how orthodox people are there. She also has to stay with the society, and bear the brunt of it. They are even contemplating of selling the property in Kerala and settling down in Ahmedabad.

My ex-gf, a Malaylee told me once that even if she told her parents that she loves me and will not marry anybody except me, her parents will find it difficult to accept. Because:they all have to live in a society, and have to contastly get this nagging. Sometimes, I wonder if we choose the society or the society does.

I feel he is doing the correct thing; there is no point in getting married to a desi, and then getting separated. You are doing a great sin for you have no right to play with a sacred institution like marriage. I think, if he is sure that he will be comfortable with a videshi wife, then let it be.

The big thing is he should not cheat his parents, and should not hide and get married to her. It may come as a shocker to them, but all they want is their son' happiness as does every parents.

As I get prepared to attend another client call, I hear that my friend already has put on an angrezi accent and started talking to the client. Good for him!

Saturday, February 06, 2010

Publicity Gimmick and SRK!

In between the switching of television channels, I manage to view and hear the news headlines, and more often than not the BREAKING NEWS catches me up. In recent times, the Pakistan players disclusion from Indian Premier League, and Bollywood actor, Shahrukh' Khan 'preaching of gospels of brotherhood' in tiding with his latest film, My Name Is Khan.

Obviously, popularly tagged as SRK, his preachings were not taken by an elite group of the society, and as I write flashes of his dimple coated picture are set in flames in certain cities of India.

I am not writing this piece to offer my sympathies to any party- SRK, political parties, Pakistan Cricket team or anyone for that matter, but am trying to understand, why do sometime situations and celebrities means everything to a nation? why do they feature everytime before a film?and, why does a Muslim actor speak and his actions are supported by some more Muslim activists?
Shahrukh is a mass communication grad fella.He speaks eloquently, which even the most of us can only pray. So, when he says that the Pakistani players should have been included in this year' IPL, everyone listens. But, people never questioned about his logic.

Instead, they retorted by asking why on the earth he took five Pakistani players in Kolkata KnightRides in the first IPL. And, certain people requested him to leave India and travel to Pakistan. I am sure, SRK is not a fool to do that, because he knows, he is not allowed to do an event in Pakistan, and staying there, that' not possible.

What I would have appreciated if SRK would have asked the govt. of Pakistan to steep up of the process of taking action against those attacked Mumbai last year. That would have done the world of good. I am sure, he is a celebrity, and people would listen.

IPL is an Indian domestic league competition and its run by people with business-oriented objectives in mind. I do not think, if today the Aussies will be considered for a contention in the IPL games, if uncertainly brews across them. Put yourself in the shoes of business folk, who invests around 150 crores in the game? Pakistan were an uncertainty in the game, and they were avoided. Simple!

It has become a nuisance actually that before the release of any movie the actors and actresses find them in a sleazy mess. It happened this time too. SRK, for sure,does not need publicity stunt like this, but it benefits the entire team of My Name is Khan.

In a recent interview, Mr. Bachchan had said that he had shot 15-20 days for Rann, and rest had been busy promoting the movie. Actors today need media and vice versa, and any publicity like this would create some more business for those people who make movies. And, Shahrukh is also a puppet. The day he does not sell himself, he is out of this market!

I am an Indian, how? just because I was born in a hospital in India of Indian parents? Nope, it is not what identifies me as an Indian. I am an Indian because I was born in a country that has had a rich culture and varied heritage, which I have chose to live within me. Tomorrow, I can migrate to any other country, but it won't nullify the reason that I am an Indian.

SRK preaches time and again that he is an Indian, and I am sure, if time permits, he may get a chance to prove it fully, not be his showcase of a Nasa-returned-Indian, but by his words and his actions. He needs to tell us why should we suck Pakistan' legs, when they have been time and again betrayed us? Untill then, take an advice-keep your mouth shut and carry on with your acting business. Do not take us for fools!